What?

theplushie @ 2007-01-06T15:27:00

2007-01-06T21:35:25Z

I'm losing my job in three weeks. Sam Goody is closing, and I don't feel like trying to get a job at another of the local TransWorld stores. It doesn't make much of a difference to me at this point. I was planning on quitting anyway. I'm still debating whether I want to seek out a new job at the moment or not. My social life has been hurting ever since I started working there, and there's not much I want or need in terms of money right now. Maybe I should just relax now.

ugh

2006-12-15T18:49:31Z

I'm beginning to think that I've become so comfortable on the phone that it's the easiest situation to fall asleep for me. Or maybe I've just been really tired lately. It's taken less than 30 minutes for me to pass out on the phone two nights in a row. If that's not pathetic, then I don't know what is. I don't even bother saying that I won't fall asleep on the phone any more. Now it's "I'll try not to." And trying isn't getting me very far currently. I really think it's depressing that I can't even manage to keep myself up. Maybe it's a good thing. All that rest that I haven't been getting is suddenly coming back and taking back all those hours I've missed. I'm seeing dreams again. Last night I had the most ridiculous car wreck imaginable in my dream, but it still scared the hell out of me. That's when I woke up and realized I had fallen asleep on the phone again... around 2:11.

Exams haven't been bad so far. I'm absolutely dreading physics, though. English didn't go over too well since I forgot my study guide at home. That would have been useful. I knew what to write for the most part, but it still felt like I was just stating the plots and not analyzing anything. Knowing I missed all of the points for direct quotes sucks, too. I didn't even really have my mind made up about some of the archetypes I used in the essay. Oh well, I'm trying not to fret over it, despite my already bad grade in the class. Maybe I'll still get a C on the exam.

I have to be in at work at 8 in the morning tomorrow. That pretty much destroys my chance of doing much tonight. I need to cash my checks. With the Christmas presents that I've bought for my family, gas, and random buys, I think my checking account could be running low on funds. I still need to get Danielle a piercing kit or a CD or a game or something. I would have bought my brother his present Wednesday if the store had it. I might have to buy it from Suncoast or Coconuts or something if Sam Goody doesn't get it in by Christmas.

I've pretty much postponed getting a Wii until I have a comfortable work load to deal with, and I can rest knowing that there isn't going to be a risk of having no money at all in my checking account. I want one, but it can wait.

I got to jump start a car after I checked out of school today. I feel good that we managed to do it.

I might go to Chris' house today since there's not much to do. I don't feel like eating lunch right now. I had probably a whole pizza yesterday just for lunch, not including the rest of the day. The last thing I want right now is food... although ice cream could be nice. I afraid of the day my metabolism starts slowing down.

And of course my computer is bitching at me to restart so it can complete an update. I guess I'll go ahead and let it.

<3

theplushie @ 2006-11-15T02:13:00

2006-11-15T08:13:24Z

I'm sitting on the edge of my bed at 2:00 a.m. trying to write an essay on House of Leaves. Nothing fills the room except silence and the light from the monitor. School is in the morning, and it's absolutely mandatory I turn this essay into my teacher in about 7 and a half hours. That's 7/8 of the required four pages to go. I hate how life can be this complicated.

theplushie @ 2006-11-12T14:03:00

2006-11-12T20:03:48Z

I'm lying in bed at 2:00 p.m. reading House of Leaves and listening to Agalloch. I don't know if I have to work today or not. I really don't care. This is the most beautiful part of this album. I wish all life were this simple.

gah

2006-09-20T02:32:12Z

My emotions are doing me in. Every few seconds, I'll shift back to another mood. It's no good for me. Joy, depression, guilt, anger, jealousy, loneliness, love, fatigue, restlessness, anxiety, fear, stress, boredom. All in the course of several hours. It's really driving me into the ground right now. I'm so emo my emotional roller coaster keeps doing loops and corkscrews.

I was afraid I accidentally hurt myself the other night. It seems like I'm all right, but I'll probably take it easy for a few days. I know specifically what I did, but I wasn't expecting it to cause any damage. It's pretty embarrassing to even mention it.

Stuff is driving me crazy. I miss Danielle. I don't know what's going on.

Ho Hum

2006-08-25T21:13:32Z

School started back two and a half weeks ago, and I've finally gotten back into the swing of things. I think it's shaping up to be the best year of school I've ever had, but I could be wrong. I'm at that point where I "need" to start figuring out what I'm going to be doing with myself, and I've received some threats that if I don't, then pain will be inflicted upon me. Regardless of how fun that sounds, I'm still trying to figure something out. Maybe if I cared a little more throughout high school I could be applying to some out-of-state colleges with confidence that I'd get accepted to one and that my parents wouldn't mind paying the steep costs, but it seems like my parents are even reluctant to send me to any college in the first place, and they definitely don't want to spend money on someone who lacks the drive to do work and aim for a good future.

I don't really have a good idea of where I stand right now. Well, I'm pretty sure for a few things, but I'm totally clueless with what's going on with me. The whole Danielle mess is a lot of battling with myself over whether to get excited over the issue or to wait until we feel ready for a relationship. I'm sick of this crap she keeps making me put up with. I'm getting tired of her toying with me the way she is. It seems like I keep waiting for something that I'm not going to get. Sure there really isn't anyone else who's ever had quite the effect she's had on me, and she understands me more than anyone or myself does. I don't know. I love her, and it's really complicated.

I'm just laying down on my bed right now... Hardly paying attention to what I'm typing. I'm sure the grammar and spelling errors will be atrocious due to lapses in thought, but I like it more that way. I'll close my eyes for about five minutes, thinking, and then type a sentence. I think that's one of my problems actually. I can't quickly form my brain activity into coherent words to put onto paper. That and I'm way too people shy. Not too many people get to see the other side of the coin, though. You know, that other guy who lives in my body and only comes out for very close friends and rarely for other people while sleeping the rest of the day. It's quite different from my generally vacant mind. I don't mean to be so seemingly supine, but there's little that I have any sort of conflict with or feel like debating. I rarely take sides on issues or even on my emotions. There's seriously not that much to me. I'm sort of jealous of people who have these complex personalities that I could never understand. I'm simple-minded, and sometimes I think it's a real problem. I feel like there's nothing to me at times.

Adam and I saw Snakes on a Plane last night. We made up a whole two-thirds of the audience. I'm not sure the other guy really liked us because we sort of talked throughout the movie about how ridiculously amazing it was, but he can go home and cry on his pillow for all I care. Adam and I were rather nervous when we walked into the theater and there was no one else in it. Generally I don't care if I see a movie absolutely by myself, or with just one friend or anything, but we wanted more people there. I had suggested several people before we left, but Adam was against bringing anyone else along. So at 6:25, we just started calling anyone on our phones' contact lists hoping someone would be able to show up late for the 6:30 showing. It's not like anything important happens the first 30 minutes of the movie. With commercials, that would give anyone until 7:15 to get there right when the snakes are released in the plane. No one else came, though. Dare I say it was the best movie I've ever seen. Samuel L. Jackson was quite amazing, and it was awesome to see Kenan Thompson on the screen again. Snakes on a Plane is what movies are supposed to be. I don't care how emotionally compelling World Trade Center is. Snakes on a Plane beats it at being a great movie. It's entertaining and fun. Snakes does everything right. Everyone who should die does and only in the most gruesomely hilarious ways possible. Well, maybe not everyone. Some people don't die that you would like to at first, but they usually end up learning something valuable and stop being such a dumb ass. And there were one or two deaths that weren't amazing, but did something for the story at least. In short, if you haven't seen Snakes on a Plane, you're missing out.

Now it's Friday night, and I think I need rest. I worked Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and I saw Snakes last night. It's the weekend and I don't plan on doing anything. Glorious. I'm sure I'll get bored within the next two hours and possibly decide to venture around. Maybe I'll have a nap or play some videogames or look into learning a little bit more Java. I don't care right now. I'm open to suggestions. Maybe I'll figure something out on my own.

I rule ruin.

2006-07-06T19:13:28Z

Feh. I don't think it's worth it. Any of it.

... This money is burning a whole in my pocket. I want to get that computer today.

Funerary Dirge is so... sad... I was listening to their album on repeat for a long time yesterday/today. Maybe that was a big source of all the depression. I'm also tired of everything. I want to cuddle up with my pillow and die. At least it won't fight back.

Mmm. Pathetic, don't you agree?

Haha, I was reading this story the other day where the author kept spelling ruin as rune. It was hilarious, but sad. The rest of the story was also filled with unbearable spelling and grammar errors, and to top it all off, the story sucked. I can only take so much.

I need to read The Wicked Day. If I don't, I won't pass first nine weeks of English. I don't really care right now, though. Books cost too much money, and I'm not in the mood to read a novel. Some sattire would do a lot of good for me. Where's MST3000 when you need it?

theplushie @ 2006-06-29T08:45:00

2006-06-29T13:50:56Z

I had a dream last night that made me start regretting a few years ago. I just have the feeling that I ruined a lot back then. And only now does it really start to bother me. Things felt perfect in that dream and nothing was special about it other than the people. Maybe it's some kind of link to my current situation. How I'll be involved in something completely stupid and ruin everything. It's already happened once this summer and I'm just a little screwed because of it. It might already be happening again. Or maybe I just have some angst-ridden need to repair all the damage I've caused.

Message in a bottle

2006-05-28T04:24:32Z

Danielle makes me very upset. I don't know what this means. No one else seems to do it to me and it's usually over the smallest things. I don't understand anything of what I'm doing. I'll do something stupid. Say something stupid. It won't entirely be my fault, but goddammit I always play a big part. I don't want to spread my wings or find anyone else. I want to stay in the nest and be protected and feel safe. The warmness and safety make it feel like home. I'm tired of passing out. I need to stop staying up so late anyway. I'm starting a hardcore full-time job where I have to be at work at 7 in the morning. I can't afford to go to bed late or stay up late or go until I pass out any more. I'd die. A lot of stuff is killing me right now. Including myself. It's not like I mean to... it just happens. The longing to be snuggled is overwhelming. What did I do? Easy enough to say. It's rhetorical. I'm confused right now. Yay.

Hi, LiveJournal

2006-04-27T23:45:38Z

So I left my last one with the intention of not coming back because I was quite tired of the site and how it affects people. Updates will continue to be sparse and lax like they were during the last few months of my last journal. I don't have the time or care enough about pubically disclosing information about myself to make a post every day. Feel lucky that you're getting any of me at all.

Impatient right now. I'm just that bad of a kid, I guess. I should control my feelings more while I'm at it. Love is pretty cruel.